This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every moring: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion saith my soul: therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3: 21-26

Monday, May 21, 2007

Watch the Words

Thoughts to Think About

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

5 comments:

DebD said...

those are very funny!

hope all is well at your home.

Karen said...

Oh my word those are too funny!

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi julie: ah, very cute. happy monday! kathleen :)

amy said...

those are great.Thanks for sharing!

CoachJ said...

those are so funny! can't wait to share them with the hubby!