The Flip-Side

Organizing my family

Or...

Why do only grown-ups get to decide what to do with their possessions/gifts?

Forums and on-line discussions tout the joys of streamlining our lives and the health and joy that this will bring. A dear, dear friend desires a more Spartan way of living. This person would be very thrilled if my pack-rat tendencies were exchanged for California Closets and Clean Sweep. I wouldn’t advise her holding her breath. In this season of decluttering and organizing, I pause to wonder…why do people give children gifts and then tell them they must get rid of them? Why doesn’t the child get to decide when their possessions leave the house—or do they really not belong to the child? Do children not have rights of ownership? Is mine, mine and my sons’ mine because they dwell in our home. Isn’t it their home too?

Disclaimer: I love my parents and feel they gave me a pretty good life and a lot of opportunities. We have a good relationship, so don’t take too much to heart over, or read too much into the meanderings of my rant.

I guess this has dragged around in my mind/heart for near forty years. When I was little, very little, I threatened to run away. Foolish? Yes. My mother told me I needed to wait to tell my Dad “Goodbye.” He didn’t to my recollection, tell me I would be missed, or to be careful. He told me instead to take a suitcase and I could only take what was “mine.” That is only what was purchased with my money. Well of course I had no money, therefore, I had nothing. Now I know I didn’t run away. I realize this taught me that my parents provided for my needs and I was never lacking material things. But somewhere in there the message I got was, if you don’t pay for it, it is not yours. Even if we gave it to you, even if Grandma gave it to you. We decide because we are grown-ups.

I am going to go ahead and say it…Thankfully God doesn’t do this to us. His gift to us is ours and we can do with it what we want. And that was one of those things “I will never do to my children.” You know the laundry list…”When I have children…I will never do____”

Last year on a forum I frequented, I made the audacious claim that my oldest son did not want me to give/throw/sell certain items he may have outgrown. I was most interested in selling his things for him on E-bay and would have willingly given him the money to do with as he wanted. I was informed with some condescension that Roo was a child and he would get over it, take a picture and pitch the items, and mostly that I needed to exercise a little authority and my life would be better through simplified living and better behaved children.

Well…I never brought that topic up again there. I allowed Roo to keep the items, stored in a tote in the garage and we haven’t ended up in Juvenile Hall yet. To hear them tell it we were on our way to the road of destruction.

I will agree if your child is four and Cousin Eddie gives him movies of Jason and Freddie, perhaps you should invoke your parental rights and not allow the gift to give more than your family needs. I get that, I really do. And if Nana gives five year-old Janie Bratz dolls and they do not fit you’re your family’s choices and beliefs, and you told Nana this two hundred times before the holidays…well I won’t think that is awful if they got “lost”. Dangerous, broken, immoral, totally age inappropriate things,—I do understand, but these aren’t the things I am addressing. And I understand the concept of space, or rather the lack of space. And having moved with my Darling Cave Geek thirteen times in fourteen years, I know that this old wreck of a body can only carry a certain number of boxes.

But at some point it started to bother me that my children were not allowed to own what was given them or what they purchased with their money. Perhaps it was when I took stock of what I was still dragging around and keeping in storage that it became clear to me that I couldn’t say the boys had to get rid of the Little People yet. We drag them out a couple times a year still, and after we make a huge zoo in the living room they get to be the visitors. Thomas and all his friends make up the train that goes around along with the GeoTrax. And, well…when Boo outgrows the zoo animals and dinos, man…I am going to keep them. I have some cool art ideas.

Perhaps I will start by “modeling” the organization and streamlining of collections. Last year I did give/throw/sell a lot of my stuff. And, yes, it still multiplies. But I am to the point where I think I will allow the boys equitable storage in the limited amount we have. I think I will work on me before I try to change them. Permissive? Maybe. But as they grow emotionally and spiritually, I think they will learn the joys of giving on their own. I can force them to give, but don’t see how it will change their heart. But if I demonstrate it…? Maybe. As they become wise in handling their money, I think they will learn to let go of some things in favor of the things they really want. But if I make them do it now…well…I don’t see the value. If I teach the values and live them, there might be more chance.

We are blessed beyond measure with abundance and the cares and trappings of the world to often get in the way of the One who gives us true joy. I know Yeshua told the rich young ruler to sell all he owned. But He didn’t pound him over the head with it and he didn’t tell him to go home and organize all his buddies and make them sell all they owned too. We will be working on this, but thankfully with the grace that we have been given and the realization that it is not a salvation issue.

I sound cranky, don’t I? And still with thanksgiving for our bounty and prayers we will be kind and wise…still searching for the joy.



Deep pondering for today:
Did you know that if you crave chocolate and eat about eight or nine olives….……… you still crave chocolate???? Who’da thunkit??