Well I thought I would spell it J-O-B. As in DCG received the much prayed for job.
55 days unemployed it will be when he starts on Friday. But oddly, yesterday when I found out I did none of the things I thought I would do. Almost two months ago when this “desert” began I thought I might dance and cry with relief. I thought I might call everyone I knew to celebrate. I thought we might plan a dinner out. I thought we might have a bottle of wine to celebrate (There is one in the cupboard—waiting.) I did call my family. None of the other things were done.
The reality was…we ended up in a fight. Sigh. It was short. It was just a flash. But initially it seemed an odd response to an answered prayer. For this whole time, although there has been some depression and tears, worries and unspoken frustrations, we have put up a fairly united front to family and friends and to especially not worry the boys anymore than they were. I think there was a release in the news and we faltered. Like I said it was a flash—two minutes of exchange, five minutes of silence and then repentance and forgiveness on both sides. But it was a shocker.
Dare I say it? I took it out on my husband that I was disappointed God did not meet all my “demands” for what DCG’s (DarlingCaveGeek) new job should be. The biggest one being—not another contract. And this is. A contract to permanent hire. It appears to be a fine job, but I know nothing about the company, other than they moved faster than any other we’ve dealt with—the initial contact was last Friday. Everyone else is dragging their feet in decisions. (Watch more offers come next week. He won’t take them, it would just be ironic.) It was not on a bus line, the commute is kind of stinky, with no alternate route. There were tantalizing benefits that won’t be put in writing.
I’m kind of a brat, aren’t I? Who said that there would be 100% perfection, satisfaction and joy on this earth? Not God. No, He says otherwise. Who says that I will get more than I deserve? Well actually—He did and He’s already provided that because I deserve death and condemnation and I have instead salvation and eternal life. So what is my problem?? (Another sigh) Oh, it is that humanity thing again. I am really tired of that.
So we start a new chapter. And I am grateful we will be able to leave the desert again. And as I went through the day yesterday I mellowed and praised. I know that my trust should not be in “chariots and horses” or rather offer letters and employers. The ugly lessons we have learned about ourselves are quite vivid right now. Praying I don’t lose sight of those things I need to work on and change.
One thing I will say now is that there is joy in the fact that this trial did not divide us as a family. Our boys showed great character for ones so young. DCG and I chose to cleave for the most part and draw closer to each other and the boys. We spent a lot of time together. We laughed and we shared time which was the one thing we had in plentiful supply.
Someone asked me yesterday if it was a good job. I said ask me five years from now. For now it is a job, just that and nothing more. I am reminded by a story that Max Lucado shared called the Woodcutter’s Wisdom. If you’re a Lucado fan you’ve probably heard it. If not, it is a parable for everyone. Worth the read. It is in PDF form so I think you need Acrobat to read it.
It seems to me God isn’t quite finished with our lessons. I think our trust and faith need to be more grounded in Him and perhaps this is why our prayer was answered with this job. Maybe if it was the perfect dream job we would forget our lessons too soon. I don’t claim to have wisdom to interpret things, it is just a hunch. Maybe, just maybe I can get myself motivated to march forward and find the joy in this phase as He has shown me joys in everything else.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every moring: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion saith my soul: therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3: 21-26