The fifty yards of tulle has left the building.

A young dancer friend, a budding choreographer, was promised access to a professional company's costume shop and then in the eleventh hour that was changed and he was left with a lovely piece of choreography and no costumes. Two tulle skirts and some dyeing of leotards and tights later, I am grateful I had the chance to be of help. It was fun to play with the fluffy stuff, but I need to get back on the track of Spring Cleaning. I am grateful to be done, as well.

The boys have been pretty good about keeping their rooms in good shape. That was where the cleaning began. The younger is a minimalist and so that takes him very little time. The oldest reminds me of....well, me at that age and if I look at it in that context, his room is awesome. It still may teeter precariously on the fire code's desire for clear exits, but it's not bad, I guess.

We are coming to the realization that the oldest will most likely be leaving us in the fall. He is definitely leaving for part of the summer, but it looks like he may have a chance at a boarding situation to pursue his dream. We are focusing on getting him prepared to be a little more responsible and able to feed himself, make healthy decisions, maintain clothing and necessities.

He's also earned a learner's permit for driving and we are dealing with that. I am grateful my husband has taken that teaching hat for the beginning portion. I'm sure I would be able to do it, but I'm a bit more reactive and emotional. And...nervous. Yes, I admit, I am a Nervous Nellie. Once he gets going I will be fine (relatively) in the passenger's seat, but it's better I don't sit there for a while.

Random occurrences, thoughts and observances:

I scored some drapes for the dining room at my favorite thrift store!!

I've had a lot more scrutiny than usual on the homeschool aspect of our lives.

I have a lot of stuff...Moving has always been good for getting rid of stuff, it's just that we stayed in the last place nearly ten years. So, I'm wondering if I can get rid of some more stuff without moving to help...I guess that means I'm pondering a garage sale...sigh...

Many thoughts about what "acting one's age" means to me. As I near the half-century mark I'm looking forward and backwards quite a bit. Asking myself how the road led here and where does it turn over the next hill.

It smells like Spring outside.

Counting it all joy,

Julie

The Dementor

I have met the dementor and I know his name.

It is Asthma.

His friends are known as Fear, Panic and Anxiety. Too bad this is not Hogwarts, there is no Patronus charm and all the chocolate in the world will not make it go away.

We are dealing with asthma at my house. Both of my boys were diagnosed with "exercise induced asthma" in early March. My oldest seems to be dealing with it quite well. My younger however...not so much.

When the asthma journey began with the "exercise induced" label, I thought, "Okay. Not great, but we can deal with this. We can work around it."

It seems everyone has heard of Olympic athletes with asthma. In fact somewhere between 10-20% of Olympic athletes apparently have asthma. Well who doesn't want to be compared to an Olympic athlete?? We could DO this.

As I said, my oldest set off, Albuterol in hand and his breathing during dancing improved. But the youngest...well, it seemed to work for a short time. And then the coughing and the poor coloring returned; sometimes while dancing, sometimes just randomly.

He's been through allergy testing, pulmonary function testing, doctors' visits and even an emergency room visit. At one point he had ten medications going into his small body. I've held him as he's struggled to breathe. He's cried (which seems to exacerbate the situation, but he can't stop) because his chest hurts so badly.

We've been up at all hours, missed anticipated events, struggled with bedtime, struggled with leaving the house, going back to ballet, and worst of all for me--struggled with attending church.

The learning curve for this mommy has been steep. Everyone thinks they know something about asthma--many think it is just about allergies. And sometimes for some people it is. I've had a health care professional (who we know personally) insist it is all "in his head." Really???? That was meant to be helpful?

What I have learned is that asthma is a disease. It may appear to "go away" for awhile, but it is always there lurking. Symptoms are treated, not cured, although there are some things that appear to help improve breathing and stretch out the time between episodes. Some parents have told me that at a certain age their child "outgrew" it. Although I have a friend in his 60s who never did.

Each parent I've talked to (and it's amazing how many are there that I've known for a long time but never knew their child dealt with asthma), read their blogs, or heard anecdotal stories from a "friend of a friend"--each story is different. Triggers are different, flares last different amounts of time, medications are different, intensity is different, timing is different. I'm sure there are a lot of people with similar stories, I just keep running into people with different stories.

We are piecing things together slowly for Boo. What is going to work for him. What is going to get him back to "normal." Whatever normal is. He's been very frustrated because he's been unable to participate in some things that he really wants to because of his asthma. He is working toward "ownership" of his condition and knowledge that will make him more independent.

I am trying to balance my "hovering" personality (I've often been accused of being overprotective) and being too laissez-faire with him. EVERYONE has an opinion of how I should be parenting Boo and what health care choices I should be making for him. So far, only a handful of people are okay with my choices. My doctors seem to be okay with them, so I will go with that.

As we sat together during a particularly bad time, nebulizer going, me holding on to him, wishing it was me and not him, the Harry Potter-dementor image came to me--hence the title. If you are a Harry fan and know about the dementors this video will mean something to you. Sorry I can't put in in the post, maybe it's better I couldn't--it's intense and if you don't allow Harry Potter, please don't watch. As I watched it today, it chilled me.

Sometimes it does seem there won't ever be joy again. But better than charms and chocolate, we have a Savior, who has felt every one of our pains before we did. He will get Boo through this, me through this, our family will come out on the other side. While it would be nice to have a quick fix, my faith tells me God knows best and He will not abandon us.

There have been some awful times in this little family's history. I've cried out to God many times, "Why?!" Often it is not until years later; five, ten, twenty years later that I can see a reason. So we stand in faith until that time.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Trying to count it all joy,

Julie

Prayer Request

If you are so inclined to scroll down a bit and on my sidebar view my Twitterings...

Or click. I would be most grateful.

The end of the world, it certainly is not, but I am ill prepared for growing children.

The Invisible Woman

I love this one! To all my favorite mommies...



H/t Barbara at Mommy Life

Thursday Thirteen: How to Take Young Children to Live Performances

I’ve had a Performing Arts themed week. So I thought I would continue the trend one more day.

People have asked me how and why I manage to take my children to performing arts events.

Why? Because I feel it is immensely important. We as a family are kind of “artsy” I guess, although we enjoy football, basketball, golf and sporting events too. We enjoy reading, but manage to still find time for the video games also.

How? Here are thirteen guidelines for introducing children to live performances; taken from actual guidelines posted on company and theatre websites, some personal opinions—both mine and others.

I’ve got some acquaintances and friends previously and currently in the performing arts, from marketing positions, to performers, to stage managers, from wardrobe assistants to set people, to executive positions. We’ve been fortunate to have access to some wonderful opportunities for viewing and for the children to participate in performances.

Most often we’ve been welcomed by other patrons and audience members, almost always by performers and artistic staff, but there have been a few questioning looks at parents who would bring two young boys to opening night of a three hour performance. We’ve had questioning looks, but never complaints. During intermission and post-performance our children have received many compliments and much attention.


How do you take children to live performances? Truly it is no more difficult to take them to a production than it is to take them to a movie theater.

1. Remember everyone (including your family) has paid to have the privilege of an enjoyable show. Be respectful of other patrons. Expect and insist that others are respectful of your rights as an audience member, but there are guidelines and this is not the time to teach new manners—reinforce learned ones, definitely, but courtesy should be commonplace.

2. Educate yourself about the program you are seeing ahead of time. Look at content—follow your family’s convictions; don’t go to something that you know will offend you. Life is too short to seek out offense.

Know the performance length—30 minutes, an hour, two, three? Can your children sit that long? Can you? Think of the time of day—morning, matinee, evening, nighttime—go when everyone will be alert and able to sit. Consider the facility—will it be outside, inside, intimate, huge stadium show? Will your children be overwhelmed by crowds or can they be free to be a little less inhibited?

3. Be prepared to leave immediately if there is a “crisis.” Crises include: illness, bad temper, loudness, potty emergencies and inappropriateness of content.

Read guidelines for the company or theatre you will be attending. Some will just not allow young children. No way, no how, ain’t gonna happen, no matter how much you pay. Don’t try to get a special exception because even if you know your Junior is “not like those other children.” it isn’t worth it. Your children deserve the courtesy of being able to see a performance you think would be enjoyable for them, but don’t subject them to a situation where they will be totally unwelcome.

4. Be prepared—potty beforehand, don’t go hungry (snacks & even water are most often not allowed in the theatre proper.) Know where the bathrooms are. Know your children’s tolerance levels. Some two year-olds can sit through a symphony and some twelve year-olds cannot. There is nothing wrong with either child.

Don’t go if your child has a last minute illness. No matter how much tickets cost, throwing up is no fun for anyone. While “totally natural” it is embarrassing and may color a child’s view of future performances. Besides, you can’t enjoy when you feel awful.

5. If you must exit the theatre do so quietly and be prepared that you will not be allowed to re-seated until the next intermission. If you have exited due to a temper tantrum (or emesis) it may be within the theatre employees’ rights to ask that you not return. Depending on the situation they may be right.

6. Help your children enjoy the show. Prepare your children for what you will be seeing—preview a movie, read a story, explain to them about the point of the program. Help them know if it is appropriate to laugh out loud, when to clap, what a standing ovation is, what a good performance looks like. Courtesy to the performers is as important as courtesy to other audience members and truly helps a child enjoy a show.

Give them explicit directions on expected behavior. I find my boys will live up to my expectations if I let them in on what those expectations are. Most children want to be appropriate.

7. Start with appropriate themes, adapted fairy tales and stories children are often familiar with are good choices to start with.

Look for performances advertised to be child friendly or an audience mostly comprised of children—although I will tell you, I most often avoid the latter due to the behavior of the young audiences. We went to a performance of a visiting company put on specifically for local school children last fall. I was appalled at the behavior of the majority of children and the chaperones. To be fair, I think the content, while very dramatic and compelling, was too adult for the ages present; high schoolers would have been more appropriate than elementary age.

During Nutcracker our school offers local schools daytime performances and my sons have commented that the young audience response is not the same as regular performances, i.e. laughing at unusual times, and not at the “comedic moments,” lots of whispering, shuffling of seats, etc. But these are learning opportunities for both audience and cast members so there are certainly benefits.

8. Don’t presume you cannot go because you think something will be “fancy.”

Dress appropriately, but be comfortable. I think little girls (for a large part) enjoy frilly dresses. I see them and they are lovely. I think dressing up stresses the importance of the event. But if Johnny loathes, loathes, loathes that clip on tie, for goodness sakes don’t make him wear it—even if it makes him cuter than a bug’s ear (and we know moms love to show off their cute kids—I DO!!). Save the argument for the sitting at the photographers. LOL.

It is hard to concentrate in shoes that pinch, ties that choke, shirts & jackets that are weird, itchy slips, pantyhose that roll—oops sorry that was me with the pantyhose, anyway…life’s to short to be really uncomfortable. Jeans may be acceptable attire. Find out!

9. Start small—one act plays, an evening of ballet with several small ballets or just excerpts, I’ve seen grown-ups only stay for Act I or arrive at intermission for Act II. As long as no one is disturbed by your entrance this is an alternative.
10. Look for free shows or demonstrations. Many companies offer productions in the park far free. Shakespeare is fun in the open air. Having an actor fall off the “stage” dead at your feet is certainly a memorable event. (Again know what might be a possibility before you go.)

11. Civic groups, community theaters, college performances, high school, even elementary schools offer a great variety of disciplines, themes and opportunities. One of our most memorable performances was that of a young man we were acquainted with, a piano major at a local university. We were privileged to attend his Masters Performance—one he had to do for his master’s degree—in affect his graduation ceremony. It was breathtaking. And it was FREE! It truly gave the boys an ideal to aspire to in their music pursuits in general, and their piano playing specifically. This leads me to # 12…

12. Go to see people you know. Good grief, it is a joy to watch friends and family perform!! We go unthinkingly to all the football, soccer, and t-ball games. It is just expected. (And it should be expected that we encourage our family’s sports pursuits.) But our society has fallen away from the arts, overall. At one time it was common for family members to play or sing at gatherings, in parlors or just for a quiet evening’s entertainment. I don’t think that happens often enough.

If cousin Jane has worked all year taking lessons (piano, voice, ballet, acting) and she is brave enough to get up and share her talent with everyone—go see! Clap loudly! Bring her flowers. Be proud.

Even if the performances are less than stellar, be supportive and encouraging. Everyone starts somewhere. It takes a lot of courage to get up on stage. It often takes a lot of preparation. Besides Cousin Jane may some day win an Academy Award and she will remember you came to see her humble beginnings and she might just take you with her to the Awards show…it could happen.

13. Start at home. Just like cultivating a love of reading, a love for performing arts seldom occurs with parents who watch strictly “Cops” or “Survivor.” Children copy what they see their parents do. I’m just saying…Watch videos and films from the library. Read plays out loud as a family. Have a home collection of family friendly musicals and make them a part of daily life, not just something to be endured because it is “art.”

THE PURPOSE BEHIND THE THURSDAY THIRTEEN:
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. What do you do? Write Thirteen things about yourself, summarize your week in one entry, make it easy for other bloggers to get to know you on a weekly basis. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!

Other posts on this themed week are found:

Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Children and Performing Art Part I

Children and Performing Art Part II

Children and Performing Art Part II

As I mentioned in another post we were able to see a ballet performance of Romeo and Juliet. Because the boys’ ballet classes share the company’s facility we’ve been trying to discreetly and respectfully follow the company’s rehearsal of the ballet—they have put months into this, and I truly think it has been beneficial to whet the boys’ interest to sit through a three hour story ballet. They’ve seen all the hard work and sweat and patience that the dancers have put into this. They’ve seen the reality that what is seen on stage is just a heartbeat in the life of a dancer—granted it is the accented beat! But it is still just a fleeting moment.

In my opinion it is extremely important to expose them to performances. It is also just as important to expose them to the behind scenes efforts that it takes to create a production. How to do that?

Take lessons. Expensive? Most likely. Will you ever get the money back in a child trying to pursue a professional career? Doubtful. But it is no different than the money spent on sports, and most children will not grow up to be professional athletes. Disciplines learned in artistic pursuits follow someone through a lifetime, just as do athletic pursuits. It is not necessary, but can add to the enjoyment of watching if one has attempted an instrument, acting or dance, or sporting event.

Learn at home if outside lessons are too expensive. We do our piano lessons at home. It has been a wonderful experience. Any introduction will make it easier to pursue at a more traditional manner in the future.

Other ideas: read plays aloud as a family. We always hear about the importance of reading stories aloud to children—it is hugely important!! Reading plays aloud can be a really great tool also. Take it a step further and try putting on a family or homeschool group play; a great way to have hands on learning about sets and costuming. Even easier—stage a puppet show. Take a favorite story, Winnie the Pooh, Wind in the Willows, or a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale and have the children work out the scenes. Learn about script writing.

Unarguably homeschooling can sometimes limit opportunities for participation in productions, both as a viewer or a participant. But public and private schools, under pressure to teach basics and meet government criteria, aren’t able to provide enough opportunities to suit my wishes either. With a little extra effort children learning at home can have even more in-depth experiences with the arts than they would in a more traditional setting. No matter your family’s personal choices for education, you can’t go wrong encouraging artistic pursuits!

Part I here.

Children and Performing Art Part I

When children are interested in theatrical pursuits of any sort, musical, ballet or conventional stage, it is extremely important to expose them to performances. How to do that?

Don’t have the extra cash for expensive night performances? See if matinees are cheaper. Matinees, in general, are usually more kid friendly and the patrons more relaxed; although we’ve had mostly positive responses to the boys at night performances. Many symphonies (and other performance groups) have a children’s performance that are somewhat of a glorified dress rehearsal. Many productions offer schools discounted tickets—sometimes with the opportunity for a Q &A session before or after. It never hurts to see if homeschoolers are welcome. Some places even offer productions geared toward homeschoolers.

Don’t have access to the big-city variety of performances? Local community theatre, high school, and civic symphonies offer wonderful and affordable events. Still not something you can swing because of number of children or their ages are of concern? Check out films from the library. We’ve introduced opera to the boys this way. HMS Pinafore, Pirates of Penzance, The Barber of Seville, and The Magic Flute are all good choices. We’ve watched productions in German and Italian and the boys have had no problem following the general storyline.

A benefit of checking out films from the library is the story can be paused, explained, restarted, paused for bathroom breaks, re-watched, enacted later, or if you have children like mine they will act along at the same time during a second viewing. And then re-perform for, oh the next few months weeks days.
Really, a huge source of entertainment—especially the Major-General's Song.

Wherefore art thou Romeo?

A Homeschool Resource

I’m not sure how many people introduce Shakespeare early to their children. I have my reservations about it—the old Bard offers violence, innuendo and flat out impropriety at every turn, but we were going to see a ballet version of Romeo & Juliet and I did not want to be in a dark theatre with Roo saying, “Now who is that? Why are they fighting? They did WHAT??”

Truth be told half of all the grown-ups there will likely be thinking the same thing. Half of the population in the audience will be asking that same question out loud. But it’s not polite to talk during a ballet performance (although if I understand correctly some of Shakespeare’s crowds believed in audience participation of a sort). Anyhoo…shameless bragging in the next breath, but generally my boys are very well behaved at the ballet. We have season tickets so we always sit in the same spot and there are a couple of older ladies who are VERY annoying who sit two rows behind us. I digress…

Ahemmm…where was I? Oh. We were going to see a ballet version of R&J so I checked out a video from the library so the boys would have an overview of the story. There will be a synopsis of the story in the program, but 20 minutes before curtain is NOT when I want to discuss things.

I was not in the mood to show them my first introduction into R&J from high school—does anyone remember the Olivia Hu$sy version—I really am not fond of that. Also I was afraid if we watched a full version they might not make it to the end. If music and/or dance are involved they can sit for hours, but with the challenging language and the stopping the tape to answer questions, I was afraid I would burn them out on the story before we got to the theatre.

Yes there is a point here.

Sooooo…what I did check out was a video called A Taste of Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet, produced by Bullfrog Films. It is 43 minutes long, narrated to fill in the abridged acting scenes, (in my opinion) pretty well acted, set a little unusually so if you like that kind of thing it offers opportunity for a rabbit trail discussion of sets and costuming choices. Not gratuitous violence—minimal blood, there are appropriate cuts which don’t change the story line, It was very acceptable by my standards and it was true to the story, so yes, there is murder, violence, deceit, family feuding, teen marriage and suicide—it’s Shakespeare. If those are themes you don’t care to introduce then Romeo & Juliet would not be satisfactory. Ummm…most Shakespeare would not be satisfactory.

The cool thing is I found an on-line study/teachers’ guide produced by the film company. Now I think the boys really are a bit too young to really go in depth on the story, but I will be hanging on to this for future reference. If you find Shakespeare in your future, you might be interested in this free (always a good word) resource. That was my long-winded point.

That's Just the Way It Is...

A Day’s Dazed Reality
Alternately Titled:

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
The Van Driving of the Sugar Plump Fairy

Cue the Tchaikovsky. Taste the bon bons, smell the Arabian Coffee and Chinese Tea and feel the pink tulle floating by…well no, not really. Except maybe the bon-bon part. And I do like coffee. Yes, I really do. Tea is nice. Well Tchaikovsky does get played a lot, come to think of it, both on the CD player and the piano.

Just skip the tulle. No one, really no one, around this house of testosterone will touch tulle. Even the Lone Lady (me) who owns very little pink and absolutely NO tulle.

The Sugar Plump Fairy—yep, 's'pose that’s me. Sugar is our friend and more so when combined with chocolate and Plump?? Egads!! Times two or three, but the Sugar Fat Fairy just didn’t have the same ring. So I’ll stick with plump.

So the reality of many days…?

My cell phone rings. It is my sister. We are trying to coordinate calendars so we can actually, you know, see each other. She is working (she is always working). She says, “What are you doing?” and then already knows the answer. Because it is what I am always doing (so it seems).

“I am in the car, driving to dance.”

I got that line from a dance forum I visit—obviously another parent. How is it that the mother of two sons is embroiled in the Nutcracker season (oh yes, it starts this early!! In fact it started mid-October!)? If anyone was concerned about me when they learned we homeschool they were even more terribly confused when they find that our main extra-curricular activity involves…dance. Specifically ballet. Cue the confused and speculative looks.

If they were going to ask the, “What about socialization?” question, they are now really curious as to the answer. Yes there is a social life for young gentlemen who pursue the actually challenging, tough, athletic and artistic life of a dancer. We are grateful our studio is home to at least eleven young men, ages six to sixteen, who know the difference between a tendu and a touchdown. And can talk about both. The boys’ dressing room is a zone of chaos and hi-jinx. Somewhat quieter than a hurricane and no pink allowed.

And the boys’ moms are a bit of a different breed. We worry about whether or not tights are opaque and the other necessary accoutrements for boys. We are grateful for the knowledge we will not have to be buying pointe shoes, ever, at no less than $50 a pair (often higher). And endure dirty looks from a minority of girls’ mothers who believe our children are shown favoritism and their darlings are discriminated against. But that is another story. Which I choose to totally ignore.

For better or worse, my days are filled with young men using my furniture for springboards. They may be channeling Spiderman or Drosselmeyer. They might be asking to play Sonic the Hedgehog or if they can show me their latest soubresaut. Our school day has been enlarged to include study for a spelling and vocabulary test which one child needs to advance to the next level (of dance, not grade). But the benefit of that is now he knows the difference from an accent grave and an accent aigu. And he is acquiring a passable French accent. Sadly it is most used to imitate Inspector Clouseau saying, “I would like to buy an ‘amberger!!”

Ooops sorry!! Must run! It’s time to pack up the bon-bons…we’re getting in the car…and driving to dance.

Thursday Thirteen

This was supposed to be my TT two weeks ago. It never got published due to events. So belatedly I give you:

My Boo turns seven this week.How time flies when you’re having fun.

Thirteen things I love about Boo

1. His head of curls. No matter where we go someone has to comment on his wonderful hair. And, no, he isn’t tired of it or embarrassed by it. He loves the attention.

2. He is my husband’s “mini-me.” Want to know what my husband looks like, acts like, thinks like? Just look at Boo.

3. He is my Peter Pan. There is something in him that realizes just how good it is to be a child and he has no desire to be a grown-up.

4. He loves to perform. Whether at a piano, in dance class, at home when there’s music, with his new cache of magic tricks or telling jokes, the child is always “on.” The bigger the audience, the better.

5. I love how gentle he is with animals. He’s never been one of those children who squish and drag around pets. He’s always been content to sit quietly by them and stroke their fur. And he seems to find just the right place, because they will sit by him for as long as he’s willing to pay attention to them.

6. While he is gentle with animals, he is a super-hero in disguise. He will explode through the house, high-kicking and leaping, making all manner of noises to fend off the foes that are threatening the universe.

7. He knows how to shake hands. And he knows when to turn on the “good boy” mode. There’s been more than one adult comment on what a nice, respectful young man he is—they’ve never seen him in action at home, and I refuse to disabuse them of their delusions.

8. He likes to share. He would give away anything to anyone. He likes to make people happy.

9. He’s learned to enjoy reading. But, unlike his mother and brother, fiction isn’t the favorite. He’s discovered you can learn facts in books and likes historical books and science type books. But he’s come to be a fan of reading. I am sure the right fiction will catch his fancy too.

10. He marches to his own drummer. There is no sense in telling Boo he must do something. You can tell him—but he will get to it when he is good and ready. Until then, beat your head on the wall if you must, but it won’t happen until he sees the benefit. Why do I love this trait??? Well, while it causes me some stress now, I see that he won’t follow the crowd so easily. He weighs things and makes his own decision. This will be a good thing to hang on to as he grows.

11. He loves old T.V. shows. It is fun to watch “I Love Lucy,” “Gilligan’s Island,” and other old shows with him and his brother.

12. He likes to be helpful. He likes to know he has made my day easier and almost always is willing to do what is asked of him.

13. He doesn’t think he is too big to sit on my lap in the morning before we start our day. Those skinny, long legs may not quite fit as well as when they were pudgy toddler legs, but we somehow manage to squish him up to cuddle for just a little bit.

THE PURPOSE BEHIND THE THURSDAY THIRTEEN:The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. What do you do? Write Thirteen things about yourself, summarize your week in one entry, make it easy for other bloggers to get to know you on a weekly basis. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! The TT Hub.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reason’s I Miss Thomas the Tank Engine

They go from Thomas to Transformers in about 15 seconds. You blink and they’ve gone from cuddly toddlers to boys exploding in Transformer fashion in the backyard.

I miss Thomas. Way to early, for some reason, we dove into popular culture Star Wars, Transformers, and Bionicles. Thomas kind of sits now, neglected. Once in a while though they will pull out Thomas and his friends and I am reminded why I miss him.

1. Who can resist steam engines that talk?

2. Thomas loves children.

3. Thomas always has a good lesson.

4. Bad Diesel never wins. Even if he has a claw.

5. Thomas does not explode or attack anyone. He is a little “cheeky” but the worst he does is get stuck in the snow.

6. The island of Sodor has perfect weather. Unless it snows. And then it only does that so Thomas can learn something.

7. Thomas tracks, unlike Bionicle pieces don’t become embedded in the carpet to be found by bare feet at 3 a.m.

8. Thomas has a rather sweet voice, no matter if it is Ringo, George or Alec who is narrating, unlike Optimus Prime who, although a good guy is extremely imposing.

9. Thomas comes from England, not from a galaxy far, far away. Therefore, Thomas speaks English and has pronounceable names. When the boys got involved in Bionicles it was like a whole new language—with lots of guttural and phlegm-y words and names.

10. I like Thomas’ theme song from the shows and all of the cute little songs that went with it. Somehow singing “Transformers! Robots in disguise!” to heavy metal just doesn’t evoke the same feeling of joy.

11. In Thomas’ world I never feel that Earth is in danger of exploding or being run by evil displaced robots.

12. Other than talking, Thomas has no super powers. Thomas is not larger than life. In fact he is rather small. And still manages to make a difference.

13. I miss Thomas the most because lack of play with Thomas means my boys are growing up. And while that is a parent’s goal to raise healthy, thriving, growing children, the toys that come with maturity don’t have a lot of space for Mommy. Oh well, maybe if I learn some martial arts kicks and hits I could jump around and explode in the back yard too…Naaahhhhh…I don’t see that as being cool. Just a sure way to throw out my back. Oh well…Thomas, I still love you.

Read other Thursday Thirteen participants lists at the TT Hub!

THE PURPOSE BEHIND THE THURSDAY THIRTEEN:The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. What do you do? Write Thirteen things about yourself, summarize your week in one entry, make it easy for other bloggers to get to know you on a weekly basis. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun!

Works for Me Wednesday--Parenting Advice Edition

A friend of mine is having her first baby in December. I certainly don’t have this parenting thing all down pat. In fact, I often feel like I am learning on the fly. But I guess there are a few things I think to be important. And basically that is what this list is, things I have shared or will share with my friend.

I am NOT saying I do all or even any of these things well—just I’ve found them to be important to me. After I pontificate to her I will then point her to this WFMW at Shannon’s and let her get really good info from all the other wise contributors to WFMW—The Parenting Advice Edition.


10 Don’ts and 10 Dos:

DON'Ts

1. Don’t do something just because it is in a popular book.

2. Don’t do something just because all the other parents are doing so.

3. Don’t feel bad for having your own set of rules.

4. Don’t be afraid to change rules that don’t work.

5. Don’t be afraid to put your children first.

6. Don’t be so quick to force independence—protection is what parents are supposed to do.

7. Don’t be afraid to be human.

8. Don’t pretend you have all the answers. "Let's look it up together." Goes a long way. Admitting that you don't always know what is what is tough, but can be rewarding.

9. Don’t be afraid to say, “No.” But sometimes try to figure out how it can be a, “Yes.”

10. Don’t assume you know what they’re going to say—be prepared to be surprised at their answers.

DOs

1. Be their safe harbor—to have a child come to you with full trust is an awe inspiring thing.

2. Be their advocate—if you don’t go to bat for them how will they ever learn to bat for themselves—and why do you thing someone else will do it.

3. Do go with your gut. Don’t care what the nurse on the doctors’ info line says, don’t care what your best friend says, don’t care what your sister says—if you really, really think something is wrong it is better to be safe than sorry. This applies to so many things.

4. Do eat well and exercise. You want to be around for a long time and you want them to learn from your wonderful example.

5. Do read—alone and together, silently and aloud, as a whole family, let the kids read to each other. Read and read a lot of different things.

6. Do say you are sorry. It took me until way late in life to admit to ever being wrong, and while no one would accuse me of being a humble person, I truly want to have a humble heart before God, my spouse and my children.

7. Do love your spouse.

8. Do pray for your children.

9. Do pray with your children & your spouse.

10. Do love God first. They learn what they see.

Visit Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer for more WFMW.

Back to School, Rush Hour and This and That

Today we ventured back into more of a structured school day. We never really “quit” school. Reading is required most days and summertime is often for things that we cannot fit into a more organized day. But we sat back down to workbooks today.

Oh the whining, wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth.

And that was just me.

The children, while exhibiting all the signs of needing some structure back in their day are not sure that this will really help their attitudes. In fact they are sure a bit more computer time or game system time will really put them in better moods. I was almost tempted to relent. But once they smell the slightest weakness they know they have the advantage. So I held fast and slowly some order came to our day.

Boo realized perhaps he did know some math and remembered he had conquered some handwriting in the spring. Roo actually fell into the groove a little easier. Maybe it’s having gone through the transition more often.

Other news...

Have you ever played this game?

It's called Rush Hour.

I played it last week trying to rearrange the living room furniture. While it got dicey there for a while and I wondered if we might just have to resign ourselves to climbing across the furniture, I finally got done. The boys helped by sitting in the chairs urging me to push them around. Ummm...NO.

...and finally...I finished the 7th and final Harry installment. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Well done J.K. Rowling (as if you needed my vote) it was well done.

I went to Wal-Mart at 11:45 p.m. Friday night thinking everyone would be at Barnes & Noble or Borders. But there were some other people with the same idea. Some of them had been there since 8 p.m. I think we all got out at about the time. I've never done that for a book and totally enjoyed the people and the atmosphere--I felt sorry for the people who were trying to shop for things like food. The staff at midnight was courteous and well prepared. I think they hide all the good employees in the dead of night.

Going to try to continue on tomorrow with school. Wish me luck

Blessings.

The Unprocessed Child –Living without School by Valerie Fitzenreiter

This book’s very nature invites me to discuss point by point the things I agree and disagree with. (I promise I won’t do that—but it will involve a lot of editing and self-restraint.) One moment I was nodding in complete agreement with the author —saying “I did that!!” “Exactly what I have been telling everyone else.” and the next I wanted to fling the book as far and as hard as I could because the sweeping stereotypes and assumptions were so obvious.

The author is heavily influenced by A.S. Neill who founded Summerhill School and wrote the subsequent book with that title, and by John Holt, pioneer and champion of unschooling. Neill, I was not terribly impressed with, John Holt I think was a visionary.

This was a book of contrasts for me to read. Ms. Fitzenreiter is the parent of a single daughter. I think she is not very open to the fact that children are individuals and while this obviously was hugely successful for her daughter, I don’t think that this is a manual that needs to be followed to a T. I would recommend that homeschoolers read this book to understand the perspective, but I would not recommend that this be the only book a homeschooler, especially a new homeschooler or potential homeschooler reads.

This is a secular, liberal book. This is the antithesis to the Pearls and the Maxwell/MOTH people. A quote by the author on p. 55 “In a home where a child is free to grow and learn at her own pace, discipline is an unwelcome intrusion into the lives of the members of the household and totally unnecessary.” Ms. Fitzenreiter argues that no bounds other than keeping a child from harming themselves or others should be placed on a child. As a mostly grace-based parent and eclectic schooler, I am often in closer agreement with her than most of the world, but sometimes do see benefits to a few rules and restrictions.

This is the second time I’ve read this book. I was so conflicted the first time I read it, I waited a long time and read it again, just to see there was some predisposition of mine that kept me from whole-heartedly embracing Ms. Fitzenreiter’s theories. As I read it the second time it was apparent that this is a Utopian book. There is no doubt in my mind Ms. Fitzenreiter and her daughter Laurie were very successful with this method of living and learning. But there are some issues that leave me wondering if the total lack of discipline and complete unschooling may work better 1) with girls, 2) with only children & better yet with, 3) only children who are girls. There are just some things that would not work at our house.

Again, this was an interesting read. There are many valuable suggestions and ideas to ponder and possible put into practice. It is as much a parenting book as a homeschooling book. I think any parent would benefit from reading it, but I would definitely recommend that it not be the sole authority on homeschool or parenting for anyone.


This is the last book I will be reviewing for the Spring Reading Thing that was hosted by Katrina of Callapidder Days. I will be posting a wrap up post soon.

Grains of Gratitude

I got very little of what I had planned done this week. I am so grateful for a husband who is very tolerant of my flaky and distractible ways. It really is not a joke when I say I am a haphazard person—something I need to work on.

My dear friend turned 30 this week. Her very devious husband planned a surprise party for her at Chuck-E-Cheeses. Oh. My. Goodness. I have never been to Chuck-E-Cheeses before. I will be getting even with him, because of course I took my children.

I have to tell you about my friend a little—it is her I am very grateful for (not for the visit to the rat whose home has many games). As I said she turned 30. We have known each other for at least 15 of those 30 years. I gave her riding lessons at one point; she gave me much better riding lessons at another point. She often drove a group of girls to visit me after I moved away. (I could never understand how their parents let them get in a car and drive and stay with me—but I was so blessed they did. These young women have grown and it has been inspiring to see that.) She visited me within days of my Roo being born—she lived almost six hours away. She stayed in touch with me when many of my friends allowed distance to limit our relationships to a few talks and cards a year. She is one of my children’s very favorite people. And she married a man who quickly became one of my children’s other favorite people. She is someone I can say almost anything to. God has used her in my life and I am so grateful she is my friend.

I am grateful that my children were well behaved at Chuck-E-Cheeses. They received compliments from some people whose opinion I value. They were good boys. They were wired when they left but they were good boys.

I am grateful for the gentleman who fit my son for jazz shoes. I must have had a stressed look on my face because he said, “Oh, Mom!! This is easy. No problem. A simple thing.” And it was. It was the easiest shoe fitting I have ever seen. He was knowledgeable and quick and polite and positive. Customer service at its finest. I’ve heard wonderful things about him before—a good reputation is priceless.

Oh…sigh…I am grateful that tomorrow morning I will start rolling the boys out of bed no later than 7 a.m. That means rolling me out of bed at least by 5:30. We are an eclectic and relaxed (emphasis on relaxed) homeschool family. I am a night-owl by nature, as are my children. But I am grateful because the boys will be able to participate in something they love on a very intense basis for four weeks. The early hours (for us) and the drive involved will be worth it.

Grains of Gratitude is a meme for Sundays to look both backwards and forwards with gratefulness. Don’t hesitate to join! It was started out by Christine at Brady’s Bunch. She has a beautiful new blog design this week. Take a peek.

Works for Me Wednesday--Mom I'm Bored Edition

I don’t know that boredom is a summer issue in our home—oh it’s an issue, I just don’t know that it is limited to summer. As homeschoolers I think it could be a daily issue if allowed to be when we are—you know, actually home.

I think routine is a good thing in beating boredom. Routines can be changed often so they don’t become ruts, but a dependable framework is a good boredom beater. We school year round, taking mini-breaks, never longer than two weeks. After two weeks without some structure we all (even me) start falling apart and getting whiney. So that would be my first suggestion. Have a flexible schedule so that children know what to expect.

My boys don’t use the “bored” word often around me. Partly, I am sure, because I offer to give them something to do (work related) when I hear that word. Our issue seems more to be a narrow scope of what is the best entertainment. What I hear most often is, “Mom, can I use____?” Fill in appropriate electronic, passive equipment. So what is my answer? It varies.

For our question the first answer is most often, “No.” followed by silence on my part. And then, inevitably I will hear, “Well, what can I do?” And I offer several choices. My first is always reading. Sometimes I don’t offer the choices as much as recommend that they browse and decide on their own. Sometimes (sorry) I am a bit sarcastic and suggest a nap—I’d love one!!

Another suggestion is don’t over-schedule summer with activities. Allow a lot of free time to explore. I think kids are often just used to being dependant on a grown-up to tell them what they will do next. Creativity, the opposite of boring, involves thinking independently and if someone else wanted to do it for me all the time—I’d let them too!! It takes some getting used to thinking creatively, though. Some gentle (or forceful) nudging might be needed to start. We have two time consuming activities during the summer. One takes up four weeks for three hours each morning, during that time, other school work is limited. The second involves a week trip to visit family and a county fair. My sister homeschools her children and we make field trips a staple and it is a highlight of our summer—exhausting, but fun. But the rest of summer is light school, and much delight-led learning and free time, lots of free time. There is nothing wrong with a child laying in a hammock or in the grass and doing “nothing.” It is during those times of “nothingness” that many problems are pondered, growing is considered, or stories are created. Nothing is wrong with a little nothing.

My last suggestion is live with a few messes. My house will never, never grace Better Homes and Gardens or Martha. And it is small, incredibly small. But a friend did tell me she thought my house was comfortable. I’ll take that as a compliment. It is obvious my house has children in it. Part of that is because as they’ve grown I’ve left more and more things accessible to them. Books, games, toys (too many toys), art supplies, musical instruments, dress-up clothes. There’s a table set up in the yard for dinosaur dig kits, sports equipment to use. Inside the only limit to musical instruments is the time of day—we live in a duplex and drums are off limits after 9ish. Unless I want to wait on them things must be accessible. I think I will trade a spotless house for a little freedom—for all of us. Clean up is required at the end of most activities, but I’ve tried not to micro-manage that and appreciate honest hard work and true efforts.

I do have some activities planned, but I have learned to be flexible and realize that my boys just might have a better plan.

That’s what works for us. For more Works For Me Wednesday ideas visit Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer.

This is a book giveaway week here!! My post with the rules and links to reviews is HERE!

The Hurried Child--Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon

by David Elkind, Ph. D.

A book review

As a homeschooling parent I have acknowledged one benefit I find in homeschooling is that I can control (to an extent) how fast my children grow up. While at activities the boys participate in with other children not homeschooled, I am amazed at the adult content of these public and private schooled children’s speech and actions. Even more amazing to me are their parents’, “Whatcha gonna do?” attitudes; as in “Whatcha gonna do? They all have girlfriends at 10 nowadays.” Ummmm….Really??? Or “Well they are going to turn 16 and then we will have to let them drive.” Really???? Wow. I beg to differ.

The Hurried Child is not a homeschool book. I don’t believe the concept of homeschooling is even discussed in it. What the book is, is a commentary on the phenomenon our society has created by being in a hurry and hurrying our children.

“Although the pressure to get things done more quickly and efficiently has positive benefits—it has made us the most innovative society on earth—it has its drawbacks, such as producing impatience. For all our technological finesse and sophisticated façade, we are a people who cannot—will not—wait. Compulsive about punctuality and using our time most efficiently,we become surly when forced to relax and wait our turn.” Ch. 10, p. 204

The notion that “earlier is better” pervades our society. Children are expected to read, write, and participate skillfully in sports and the arts earlier, possibly without the benefit of enjoyment. Schools have too much in the way of administration and not enough in the way of teachers who deal directly with students. Decisions about our children’s educations are dictated by the bottom line and reports and not the reality of what is happening to each individual child. We compare our schools and children to foreign models without taking into account that our society is fundamentally different and does not provide the same support system as those societies we wish to emulate. We fail to look at the consequences of the foreign models and the outcomes, failures and damages that those models create. Schools hurry through the labeling and assigning process and children who have different learning styles are often quickly labeled “learning disabled” and the chance to remove that tag from a child is rarely presented.

As a society we have allowed the television to come into our homes and dictate what our children are exposed to, without taking into account if our children are physically, mentally and emotionally ready to be bombarded with the ideas and images that are fired rapidly at the child.

Even children’s literature addresses more adult content and current events than formerly, and while that in itself may not be a bad thing, the manner in which these topics are addressed and followed up on can impact and stress our children, causing them to feel pushed forward before they are ready.

With the average parent working more and having less time to pre-approve music, computer games (educational or otherwise), a movie, television show, or book our children are allowed access to more than they have been in the past, without the consideration of whether or not the individual child is ready for it.

Elkind discusses several psychology theories of development and applies them to the reality of today’s child growing up in a world that is constantly on fast forward. Parents are more stressed and expect more from children. And he is not saying that responsibility is bad for children. But he does consider if a child should be responsible for the care and welfare of many things including being a support to a parent.

The effect of absentee parents, either missing due to work or work related travel, divorce, illness or death is a stress that caused children to hurry and grow up faster. Hurried parents are absent even when they are present and can cause a sense of insecurity in children. Hurried children, stressed children are tired children and their energy reserves are often depleted. Physical and emotional health and therefore performance in school and in relationships suffer.

Short-term affects of hurrying include illness, depression, falling behind, acting out, drinking and drug use. Long-term affect of hurrying may not be realized until years later. Whether a child is allowed to hurry or is demanded by circumstance to hurry the results are usually that areas of growth are left unfinished, foundations are shaky and problems will occur.

I don’t know that I learned many new ideas from The Hurried Child, but felt that many of my opinions were validated by Dr. Elkind’s work. The first half of the book was anecdotal and there for a bit easier to read. The second half involved more applied research and was a bit heavy with technical theories—not a read for before bedtime for me. But overall a thoughtful, well researched and relevant book.

The Hurried Child was NOT on my Spring Reading Thing list, but was definitely worth fitting in.

Wordless Wednesday

Homeschool mom's idea of a good start for a day.

Visit the official Wordless Wednesday site for more photos to leave you wordless.

Grains of Gratitude

This is my eighth week of participating in Grains of Gratitude. I am grateful to Christine for starting this. It has given me the opportunity to start the week out with an attitude of thankfulness and looking forward.

I am grateful that perception is not always reality. Especially my perceptions. Sometimes I tend to be a “half empty” kind of person. God is a “full and overflowing Father.” Even when I perceive things incorrectly, He remains, giving abundantly and passionately. It usually takes less than 24 hours to readjust my attitude, but the reality of God’s goodness it there—whether I acknowledge it or not.

I am grateful for the twenty-something year old young man who is teaching my boys PE class. He is amazingly patient and very organized and given my boys a chance to have an opportunity that cannot be created with a creaking mommy (me) and two little boys, no matter how energetic.

I am grateful for the lovely young woman who is teaching the drama class my boys are also taking. She is creative and gentle and thoughtful. She, too, provides a setting that I could not, no matter how I tried.

And I am grateful to the other homeschooling parents and children who participate in the group we meet with. It is a wonderful thing for me to look around and see so many other families who are on parallel paths as ours, unique, but with similar goals. It is a little lonely sometimes. A couple weeks ago, during one of the boys activities, I spent a half hour or so talking with an engaging, older boy. He asked if I minded if he worked on his project near me. (It wasn’t a quiet project.) I didn’t and he immediately shared his goal for the project and walked through the process with me. He was funny and articulate and I was just impressed with his maturity and insight. I was grateful for his company and a glimpse of someone my boys might be growing up to be like. I am grateful that I live where homeschooling is an option for my family. We have been blessed by the journey.

What are you grateful for?

Grains of Gratitude was started by Christine at Brady’s Bunch.

Dairy Farm Field Trip

This past Friday Roo and Boo and I took a long weekend visit with family. My sister arranged for a very cool field trip to a state of the art dairy farm.

The last dairy farm I visited was when I was near Roo’s age. So state of the art was not around then. I think that electricity had been invented, but in my advanced age, I may be wrong about that. I digress…

The operation is up and running but still in the process of being finished. We were told that there were approximately 1200 cows on the site with the goal to have 6000 by the end of summer. I. Cannot. Imagine. 6000. Cows. And they all are accounted for. They are tagged with an ear tag that has a chip with information about the cow. When she steps on the milking carousel her information is read and milk production is recorded.

The cows were amazing. They come into a large holding pen and then in a very orderly fashion proceed to step up into the carousel and are cleaned in several steps and have the milking apparatus attached to their udders. The milkers drop off when milking is complete.

Occasionally a cow will kick one off and a worker will quickly hook the cow back up. A cow completes on round on the milking merry-go-round and in an unbelievably calm fashion backs off and goes off to her barn via a chute. The cows are milked every eight hours and the farm runs 24 hours a day, with three shifts.

We saw where the milk traveled after it left the cow, how it was rapidly cooled and immediately sent to a waiting tanker truck. The technology and thought that went into planning this impressive facility is mind boggling. There are some really smart people working on this.

The whole operation was udderly fascinating, employees were welcoming and informative. I am always enchanted by cows. Their moooo-ning big eyes and mild manners are always favorites of mine at fairs. I am not totally naïve regarding large livestock and realize that they can cause major damage to person and property when provoked or otherwise in stressful situations. I am completely aware that the care for them is a full time job. Which makes the facility we visited all the more interesting.

A wonderful fieldtrip that we city dwellers don’t often get to have.