This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every moring: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion saith my soul: therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3: 21-26

Friday, November 16, 2007

Restarting? Did I Ever Finish?

January 1st, the next birthday, the start of the new school year, after tax season, next payday, Monday, the beginning of next month, tomorrow…what do they all have in common? They are the days that procrastinators are most fond of. They are the day that I am always talking about. They are the days when all things will be fresh, when I will be motivated to tackle the hard stuff and move upward, onward and to that Nirvana of perfection.

I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I was a “spur of the moment” type gal. I could be flexible and adaptable. Whatever life was dishing out would not faze me because I was a seat of the pants type person. I rolled with the punches.

Well this punching bag is just a bit weary. It’s not December 31st yet and I am already tired from the hassle, razzle dazzle frazzle, jingle jangle, food laden, guilt laden holidays. And I haven’t even started decorating. Or shopping. I am already looking at resolutions for my “new year.” I am evaluating my old year. Already. And I’m not terribly impressed with what I see.

Aren’t I just full of the joy of the LORD today?

Actually... I am.

I’m trying to look back and see what I have accomplished.

Well maybe it’s not all that bad. Even though I have failed miserably at some things—and I do mean failed, as in I didn’t even make a start, let alone a dent in a couple of my goals, I guess, if I am honest, there are a few things I am actually proud of. And if I look at the boys it is obvious that they haven’t suffered too much under my mismanagement. In fact, there are areas where they’ve downright flourished. If I am particularly careful I can check back to see there are some areas of spiritual growth, which I’m pretty sure go in the positive column. And I am going to allow myself a little room for some particularly rough patches that have come this year. Like then and that.

But that doesn’t mean that I am satisfied. Because if I were satisfied I would not be in the mood for changes.

But who makes big changes this time of year?? Ahhhhhhh…that is what I keep arguing with myself about. “Self,” I say, “Self, don’t you think we (not because I’m royal, but because there’s enough of me for two) don’t you think we should wait until January 1st, the next birthday, the start of the new school year, after tax season, next payday, Monday, the beginning of next month, tomorrow…to start implementing the new stuff, the hard stuff, the out of our comfort zone stuff? Change is frustrating, change is painful, change is…well change is HARD.”

Ahhh-hah!! There is the root of it. So I say, “But self, look what good things came this year when we did make changes. When we left our comfort zone, tried new things, met new people, did the thing we least wanted to do. Look at some of the fun we had. Look how much more we learned about God. Look at the memories we are happy we did not miss.

Just look.

So I think I am going to start making some changes today, and tomorrow and hopefully, maybe, I will get over myself and my self-consciousness and my fear of offending. Hopefully, maybe, I will start stepping out physically, emotionally, mentally and stop being so lazy and wait for life to change me. Hopefully, maybe, you will join me on this journey to a better place and while we’re waiting around down here we can make this place just a little more comfy and welcoming. Because I think I have a lot of room to grow. And a lot more joy to find.

So that is my plan. To keep working on joy. To make the days more joy filled. What better time of the year to start?

10 comments:

Liza's Eyeview said...

Sounds like a great plan. I think I need to do this too.

annie said...

It does sounds like a great plan. I may take notes :o)
blessings
♥ annie ♥

Donna aka Nesting Momma said...

I have peace but Joy that is a tricky one...I'm in for change!

ps I have a contest going on for a kids worship CD if you would like to enter. You could win a Christmas present for some blessed kiddo,hehe hey even your big boys might like it!
http://www.thelegacyofelizabeth.blogspot.com

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

absolutely my julie. so right. we have a lot more joy to find before we are done.

you so rock my friend,
kathleen :)

ps. come and share my really really happy moment on my 15nov post. i want to share it with you. this made my week, maybe even my month. grateful for you hon.

Coach J said...

Amen.
change is hard, but it is so worth it when we look back over our shoulders. :) i always tell myself that i'm going to start my diet as soon as all the junk food in my house is gone. and, of course, I end up eating it....

Heidi @ GGIP said...

I dunno. Maybe we should just pick one goal every few months instead of picking so many at once. It is good to evaluate though.

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi julie,
hope you and your boy-barians are doing so well this night.

blessings hon,
kathleen :)

freetofly said...

I am the "queen" of do-overs! With you here! One of my favorite things about God, it's Ok with Him too! We can start over, just don't give up!

sheryl said...

You are a gifted writer! This post was so well written! One of the reason I love your blog is your pursuit of joy and your quest to continue growing and improving yourself...I'm so with you on all three! :)

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

julie dear,
i so agree with what sheryl said about you! i'm at peace when i am in your presence, in your words crafted just so.

blessings,
kathleen :)