This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every moring: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion saith my soul: therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3: 21-26

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Lent and Unintended Fasting

And I can't count...

Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak Matthew 26:41

—Well apparently the spirit is pretty resistant here. I don’t like to fast. I really don’t like someone telling me it is time to fast and I dislike even more someone telling me or giving good suggestions on how to fast. I have fasted. I am fasting—I know I am supposed to not tell anyone about it, but I am admitting to it here. I'm admitting I haven't been very joyful about it either.

But I think God knew I needed to fast more and I am sure HE knew I wasn’t going to “do” Lent until I got my spiritual journey figured out (I left liturgical church and traditions over 12 years ago, but am contemplating returning to a liturgical church). And while I don’t blame my DCG’s unemployment on God, I believe it has been used for His glory and our good. But in honesty I am not feeling it today.

DCG and I have talked about many things we have learned during this time. Many things we have given up in order to be frugal. Not necessarily bad things, but things that had potential to become idols in our lives. Some things I have given up because I know, I just know that is what I am being told to do.

HE has met and exceeded our needs. Our well has not run dry…although it might be getting uncomfortably low—but where does my trust lie?

I know I need to believe like the widow who allowed Elijah to stay with her. I hope my time in this desert will not be forgotten.

We’ve been through deserts before. I thought we had had more than our share. Why did I think we were so special??

I found this website to have some awesome perspectives on fasting. My heart has been so resistant to denying myself and that is so humiliating on so many levels. It is not hard to see at least a few of the area I need broken down.

Then I came here today… This blogger has blessed me before. Today she posted, again, words I needed to hear.

Oh…and the part about not able to count…I said here we were at almost a month of being unemployed…I can’t count…we’ve reached and passed 40.

Praying for some open windows today.


DebD said...

ugh - I just wrote out something and blogger lost it :( Lets see if I can recreate..

Thanks so much for sharing this... I really needed to hear it today. I feel the same way - I don't want to fast and I'm not very happy about it. I want what I want. Oh I can abstain from the "correct" foods, but what I can eat - I pig out on. As soon as there is stress I look to food as my comfort.

btw - I have been wondering what DCG is exactly. I'm pretty sure its your husband but I've never seen it that way.

Prayers going up for peace to you and yours

Joyful Days said...

DCG = DarlingCaveGeek. He really is a sweetheart, but he retreats into his "man-cave" sometimes and I have to drag him out, and gracious can he be geeky. But he's not a nerd. ;)

Thanks for the prayers.

DebD said...

Oh! I have one of those too - actually I should add my 17 yr old son as well. So I have 2. I feel your pain. ;)

Bss said...

Thank you for your words and links to others' words on contentment. I have struggled a lot with this over the years. My dear husband has always been so much more content than I have ever been. But, he lived a hard life growing up and learned that accepting the situation and being content doesn't mean that one is settling for less than the best. It brings the 'Serenity Prayer' to mind.

Barbara said...

I really enjoy your honesty and how you express yourself. Just today I was reliving our days that sound similar to yours on my blog. My husband and I agree that we wouldn't want to have to do them again, but having reached the other side we wouldn't trade them for the world. very difficult, but very precious. Blessings on you all.