And I can't count...
Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak Matthew 26:41
—Well apparently the spirit is pretty resistant here. I don’t like to fast. I really don’t like someone telling me it is time to fast and I dislike even more someone telling me or giving good suggestions on how to fast. I have fasted. I am fasting—I know I am supposed to not tell anyone about it, but I am admitting to it here. I'm admitting I haven't been very joyful about it either.
But I think God knew I needed to fast more and I am sure HE knew I wasn’t going to “do” Lent until I got my spiritual journey figured out (I left liturgical church and traditions over 12 years ago, but am contemplating returning to a liturgical church). And while I don’t blame my DCG’s unemployment on God, I believe it has been used for His glory and our good. But in honesty I am not feeling it today.
DCG and I have talked about many things we have learned during this time. Many things we have given up in order to be frugal. Not necessarily bad things, but things that had potential to become idols in our lives. Some things I have given up because I know, I just know that is what I am being told to do.
HE has met and exceeded our needs. Our well has not run dry…although it might be getting uncomfortably low—but where does my trust lie?
I know I need to believe like the widow who allowed Elijah to stay with her. I hope my time in this desert will not be forgotten.
We’ve been through deserts before. I thought we had had more than our share. Why did I think we were so special??
I found this website to have some awesome perspectives on fasting. My heart has been so resistant to denying myself and that is so humiliating on so many levels. It is not hard to see at least a few of the area I need broken down.
Then I came here today… This blogger has blessed me before. Today she posted, again, words I needed to hear.
Oh…and the part about not able to count…I said here we were at almost a month of being unemployed…I can’t count…we’ve reached and passed 40.
Praying for some open windows today.